Welcome, gamers. I stand before you for the first time since The 2021 Esquire Gaming Awards, Sponsored By Arby’s*, to present The 2022 Esquire Gaming Awards, Sponsored By Wendy’s.**

This year, I’d like to keep my Esquire Gamer Zone keynote speech brief. You know us by now. We’ve spent the year bunkered down in places we’d rather not tell you about, playing the latest and greatest in video games. We play said titles with the brand-spankin’-newest in gadgets, gears, and accessories, with the goal of sharing the best with you, right here, right now. In 2022, we played as cats, turtles, golfers, Gremlins—yes, those Gremlins—skaters, demons, and trombonists. As always, our adventures changed us forever. Here, you’ll read every gritty and embarrassing detail from our escapades, as we tell you what left the most indelible impression on our immortal gamer souls.

Now pull yourself together. Wipe your tears. We present to you, The 2022 Esquire Gaming Awards, Sponsored By Wendy’s.**

* You’re dead to the Esquire Gamer Zone, Arby’s, even though we were never formally sponsored by you. You heard our calls. You heard… our cries. I once suffered a fit of explosive diarrhea at 2 a.m. on the morning of Valentine’s Day just because I wanted to show my love to you by downing 12 Jamocha shakes at once. Does that mean anything to you? Answer us, Arby’s!

** Wendy’s! Hi! Listen, we aren’t sponsored by you—yet. But I’m willing to shill for your…